My Lover, My Life
by MichiefWarrior11
Summary: "You were so easy to love, but I guess my love wasn't enough." I cried. He let his hand drop and walked out of the room.


I don't own characters, except Sarah. Enjoy and tell me what you think.

* * *

Sarah POV

"_Get away from me!" I yelled at Dickie._

"_What do you want from me Sarah, huh?" he said flipping us over, I could feel his breath on my neck. He had my wrists in a tight lock over my head. "Do you want me to leave?" he said pinning my thighs down. "Do you want me to fucking leave you alone!" he came close to my face and I reached for his lip, he thought I was going to kiss him but I bit his lip hard. I could taste his blood as I flipped us over, I straddled him and slapped him across the face._

"_You do not talk to me that way," I slapped him again, "ever!" I got up and walked out of the room, my long brown hair was in its messy way again and I could still feel the pain in my wrists. I quickly looked for my purse and sandals. I heard his footsteps behind me, I heard him growl "Where are you going?"_

"_I'm leaving you!" I mumbled walking towards the door trying not trip over his duffel bag. I felt his hand grab my shoulder and he pushed me against the wall._

"_No you're not!" my fist made contact with his face as he said that trying to hold me against the wall. He stumbled back and regained his balance, I was almost out of the apartment when he ran up to me and pulled me to the ground. My head hit first and I could feel the pain in my skull. "Gosh damnit Stabler!" I yelled as I tried to rub the spot that hurt. Dickie got on top of me and hissed "I love you."_

"_I fucking hate you." But I need you… then his lips crashed against mine, I let myself melt in his kiss as his hands held my waist firmly. I began to unbutton his dress shirt when we heard the door knock. We stopped and looked at it. Who would knock on our door at two in the morning? He got off of me and began to rebutton his shirt, as the person knocked harder._

"_NYPD, open up!" it was a womans voice on the other side of the door._

"_Going!" I shouted as my fingers tried to fix my hair and clothes. Dickie opened the door and his face filled with horror._

"_Liv?" he asked._

"_Dickie!" I heard the woman say._

_

* * *

_

"You should just come to meet her then." Kathy mumbled to him over the phone. Elliot was lying down on his couch, in his what else can you say about it other than lonely apartment. It had been almost two months and he still hadn't been home, the divorce papers stared at him from there folder on his coffee table. He just couldn't find they heart to sign them, yes he knew his love life with Kathy was completely screwed up. But she knew just as much as he did that they both loved their fucked up relationship because to them it always kept things interesting. It would be weeks apart, then a week happily together then a month apart, and then well you get the point.

"They're already living together? Dickie's barely nineteen, how old is she!" Elliot growled over the phone, he hadn't met Dickie's girlfriend of four months, and he couldn't believe they already shared an apartment. He hated knowing that it was his fault that he never met Sarah, personally he never made it a priority.

"She's eighteen Elliot, and very sweet. Your son knows what he's doing, so be nice and come by to say hello; so Dickie at least thinks you give a crap!" Kathy hissed.

"Yah this is the same son who didn't want to go to college, the son who wanted to join the army instead of again going to college! They shouldn't be-"

"Gosh damnitt Elliot just be here tomorrow at seven, if you're not I swear I will never invite you to meet her again."

"I'll be there." He sighed rubbing his forehead, Kathy's "Okay" was cut off by an incoming text message from Olivia. "Alright well I got to go, bye I lo- I'll see you tomorrow night. Goodnight Kathy."

"Night Elliot." She sighed hanging up. His fingers hit end then scrolled to the text message symbol on his blackberry.

_El, none of my business but does Dickie have anger problems like his old man? . . . no offense Stabler. –Liv_

_Why? _Elliot sent the message. _Why was everyone talking to me about my oldest son today? Was I really that much out of reach I swear I talked to him like a week ago! Okay maybe like two weeks tops._

_Never mind I'm coming to your apartment, be there in ten. –Liv_

_Okay? –El_

Elliot couldn't help but stare at the door waiting for Liv to knock, it wasn't the first time she came over this late except today was on different terms. At first she would just come over when she couldn't sleep, but ten years into their partnership she began to just come over frequently for no reason but company. The tension grew between the both of them, and they felt it. One day it got to a point where they just had to stop themselves from doing something incredibly stupid.

_It was twelve o'clock and Elliot heard a soft knock on his apartment door. Knowing who it was he let her in, she was in sweats and a t-shirt. _

"_Hey Liv." Elliot sighed as she walked passed him towards the couch._

"_Sorry to bother you, I just, I couldn't sleep after the whole situation today. You have to know that if that sniper hadn't beaten me too it, I would never have taken the shot. I just I wouldn't be able to handle causing your death El." Olivia said bringing her knees up to her chest and hiding her face. She didn't want him to see her crying. Elliot sat next to her; his fingers brought her face to look at him. She stared into his blue eyes, and as much as she wanted to, she just couldn't find the strength to look away._

"_I know." he whispered, then Olivia came a bit closer to his lips, they brushed silently as Elliot's breathing hitched."I'm sorry Liv I just can't, I want to but right now isn't the best timing; not Kathy happening at the same time."_

"_I – I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even thought that it would happen, and my gosh your still married and I'm sorry." Olivia sniffed leaving the apartment. Elliot knew that they had chemistry but in his 11 years of working with Olivia he didn't exactly know how to act on those forbidden feelings._

Elliot snapped out of his day dream to answer the door to Olivia, she didn't even greet him. She barged in and sat on his counter top. Trying to calm herself down.

"You alright Liv?"

"Yah I'm fine, but when's the last time you saw Dickie?"

"Like a few weeks ago, why?" Elliot growled being protective over his son.

"I was at the station and they got a call because of a disturbance at 143 Richmond road…"

"That's where Dickie lives with his girlfriend."

"Oh so you do know her, hm Dickie said you didn-"

"I know about her. I haven't actually met her."

"Anyways, I went to check up on it. Dickie had a bruised eye, and a cheek that looked like it got slapped way to hard. Sarah, had bruises on her wrists and inner thighs. I think Dickie might have anger problems, but neither of them will own up to it. They stated it was just a fight that got out of hand, and I promised Dickie I wouldn't tell you but you're his dad and I thought you should know and-"she finally breathed for air, "That's it." Elliot took a minute to take it all in. Was his son abusive? Did he hit his girlfriends?

"Where are they." He growled walking to get his coat from the couch.

"I left them at the apartment, but I told Dickie to be at the precinct by nine tomorrow morning so Huang could you know "talk" to him." Olivia mumbled playing with her wrists, "You shouldn't go yet . . . just leave them alone until tomorrow morning."

"Why? So he can beat her up some more? Huh?" he growled punching the wall, "You're a fucking cop Olivia!" she strained at him using her full name. "How could you just leave them there?"

"Because I know your son Elliot! I saw the look of fear in his eyes, I saw him afraid of himself. And gosh dammitt at least this Stabler isn't afraid to get help for Christ's sake!" she yelled back at him as she jumped off the counter. Elliot took this chance and roughly pushed her against the wall. He got insanely close to her and looked Olivia straight in the eye.

"You don't think that I scare myself! I lost my fucking wife because I would stay at work and take out anger on perps, instead of go home and talk to Kathy."

Olivia enjoyed this, it was like some sort of payback for that night where she had tried to kiss him. She read Elliot horribly that night and she hated herself for even thinking they could give them a shot. But what she hated more was that Elliot still loved his wife more then he would ever love her.

"Wow Stabler I'm impressed, you actually said her name out loud. "

Elliot stopped himself from everything and took a step back, "Get out. NOW!" this time Olivia pushed him forward.

"You've practically kicked me out before Stabler." She whispered harshly, covering her hurt with anger. He noticed her hesitation of leaving and pulled her by her elbow back to him. He looked deep into her eyes, anger, frustration, hurt, then broken.

"Is that what this is about?" he hissed. Knowing he had read her she tried to shrug him off, but he held a tight grip on her and a deep gaze. "Liv is that it?" Olivia looked away as her eyes began to water.

"I'm not her, I get it." Liv grumbled under her breath. "I know that you don't want me," Elliot found himself rising with anger as he let her go not wanting to hurt her more than already did. "I know that I'm not grade A material. I don't know if there's a God out there. Half of my genes are drunk and abusive. Work is my life. I live on Chinese takeout. So I can see why I'm so gosh damn repulsive. But God EL, I love you." She cried as he slammed his fist into the wall.

"I'm sorry Olivia." Elliot growled. Olivia looked at him shaking; she didn't know what to do. She had just told him that she loved him, what are you supposed to say, "I'm sorry that you don't love me back?" She rubbed his shoulder then put one foot in front of the other; until she had found herself at the side of her car.

* * *

Sarah POV

I looked at Dickie through the glass; he looked just like his father. Same color of eyes . . . same anger. I shuddered at the thought of Dickie hurting me again. I knew we never meant to harm each other but our tempers were just the same. I was alone because detective Benson left to talk to her captain. I was about to leave because I couldn't hear them, but that's when I saw Elliot throw Dickie up against the wall. Dickie yelled at him and his father yelled back, I finally had enough and banged on the glass door. It didn't stop them so I opened the door and yelled.

"What kind of a father are you?" I screamed as Elliot turned around. Dickie took the chance and pushed his dad off of him.

"Sarah just please go back with Liv, I can handle him." Dickie said looking at me, there was fear and anger in his eyes.

"No, I'm not going anywhere. If he thinks it's right to practically choke you against the wall, I'm not going to leave you alone for more then thirty minutes for him to put you in the ER!" I growled looking at his dad straight in the eye.

"I wouldn't do that." Elliot sighed rubbing his eyes. I walked to Dickie, grabbed his hand and began to pull him out of the room.

"It wouldn't surprise me, we're done here." I hissed, but Dickie let go of my hand and put his hand on my cheek.

"Sarah, just let me finish it go back with Olivia.' His colored eyes pierced through my brown ones. I sighed, "You better comeback without another bruise." He laughed and kissed my forehead, "No bruises I promise." With that I sighed and left the room.

* * *

Dickie POV

I watched Sarah leave, then turned to my dad.

"No bruises dad, I promised her." I sighed leaning against the wall. I watched him sit on the table, and look at me, sadness mixed with frustration hinted in his blue orbs.

"I know I'm sorry that I, uh pushed you against the wall."

"I don't blame you for doing it but, that's not the way I wanted you to meet her. I'd rather her not have seen your anger. I actually wanted to keep that side of you away from her."

"But you didn't keep your anger away from her, did you?" he growled.

"Don't treat me like a perp dad, I'm your son."

"You want me to reword it for you, huh. Fine, Dickie why do you hit your girlfriend!"

"Am I being arrested or something, because if I'm not I believe I can go." I got up and started walking.

"I'm asking you as a father, I know Huang is helping you but I need to know as your dad, what's wrong?" my dad asked in a hushed tone how could I answer that I didn't even know why I hit the person who I love the most.

"Huang said that I love her so much that when she starts to accuse me of doing stuff I get angry at her for even thinking about it. My emotions take over my brain. He said that it's a good thing that I care for her, but if I keep hurting her she's going to end up leaving. Just like mom. The difference is Sarah actually fights back; she slaps me when I hurt her and punches me when I don't let her leave. I love it, and Huang said that I shouldn't but I just I do. I love her dad and I promise I won't hurt her anymore, I'm getting help." Dickie said calmly, staring at Elliot intently the whole time. His father stayed silent and nodded, "I'll see you later on today, I invited Olivia so she'll be at moms at eight too. Bye dad." With that I left the interrogation room.

* * *

Olivia POV

I sat silently on the desk that looked into the interrogation room. He looked like someone had struck him in the head and said "what's wrong with you?" I placed my hand on my cheek and waited for him to come out. But after waiting for more than a minute I decided to go inside with him. I don't know if me talking to him is a good idea but, he looks like a damn lost puppy. As I showed myself at the doorway, I say his head turn to me in the slightest bit. I crossed my arms as this is what I did when I was nervous and didn't know what to say. That's when he looked at me and in the moment of silence I felt pure desire, desire for him.

"Sarah was really shaken up, and Dickie left without saying goodbye. What happened?" I grumbled; leaning against the door frame. He rolled his head back and sighed.

"I threw him against the wall and she got scared." He began to laugh melodramatically as tears fell down his eyes, "What a way to meet your boyfriends' dad." Then he began to sob, it was something that I'd never seen. Elliot Stabler was crying, right in front of me. It was like his shell that protected him just broke, after so much pressure the wall fell. I stepped wordlessly in front of him and caressed his cheek. His eyes pierced through mine as he grabbed a fist of my shirt and drew me to him. "El, it's okay. Just let go." As I said those words he embraced me so forcefully I felt like I couldn't breathe, but it felt good to have him wrapped around me. I rubbed his backed as he muffled his sobs on the top of my head.

"Liv, - have to – meant- different!" his words were so fast and un-understandable that I pushed him a little bit away from me and made him face me.

"El, honey I couldn't understand." I whispered into his shirt.

"When I said I was sorry, I didn't mean that I was sorry for not having feelings. I was sorry for putting it off for so long. That night when we were about to kiss, believe me I wanted to kiss you. But the divorce was in progress and I felt like it wasn't right. Last night, oh gosh Liv I just i-"

"Don't have to say anything." I freaked out, did he really want me?

"Yes I do. Liv, I love you too." He whispered; pulling my chin up to look at him.

* * *

Sarah POV

"SO you didn't tell me your dad was exactly like you."I mumbled changing into my summer dress; he came up behind me as I picked up my hair.

"We have different reasons for getting angry," he stated while tying the back of my dress, and then he kissed my neck gently "I'm sorry."

"I know." I whispered letting my hair go. "Now it's no fun haha!" Dickie looked at me in a serious tone. I hugged him, "I was kidding babe. I like you when you're normal."

"Ha very funny!" he said tickling me.

"Gah! Stop! Dickie!" I laughed pushing him away. He stopped and sat down on the bed smiling as I walked to the bathroom in our room. I saw him looking at me from my peripheral vision, as I began to straighten my hair I tried to ask as calmly as possible.

"Your parents don't live together anymore… why not?" I heard him breathe in deeply.

"Why does it matter?" he growled, I tried to keep my voice nonchalant not wanting to raise his temper.

"I was just curious; you don't have to answer if you don't want to babe."

"Okay I won't." he spat.

"I didn't know it was a touchy subject gosh!" I whispered harshly. The sound of his fist colliding with the wall made me want to take it back; as I put the straighter down I saw his reflection behind me. He grabbed my wrists and put them on the sink in front of me.

"Let it go." He growled. I looked him in the eye through the mirror.

"We're going to be late."A tear ran down my cheek.


End file.
